About Me

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A beautiful girl in His eyes. A girl with a BIG dream, BIG vision, with BIG passions for her town. Interested in a lot of things. Talkative and longing to travel in many new places. Is thinking hard what she can do to her country.

Jumat, 06 April 2012

I Can Only Kneel

Dear God.

Saat ini, hati nonik terluka.
Terluka begitu dalam.

tersayat dan teriris-iris parah.
it affects me my relationship deeply with others,
including with YOU. 

I don't feel peace.

I don't feel joy.
I just feel numb. 

I don't know how to forgive the ones who have hurted me much,
my parents. 
I was so angry at them,

and i throw fists right in front of Your face.
I think that You are a liar.
I know that You are not, but right now I am thinking that yes, You are. 
You can't heal my family. I don't think You know how to do it, even tough deep deep down in my heart, You do know how to put together the broken pieces.
I don't see any ways open in front of my eyes. 

I uttered a lot of harsh and rude words to a lot of people.
I even cursed You.
I really don't feel anything.
It's really a hard moment, when You knocked me down like this.
I can only kneel....
I can only kneel.

I don't know what else to do.
I don't know which way to go.
I don't know how to forgive my parents.
I don't know how long I should bear this resentment.
I don't know how You could heal my heart, which is already torn into pieces.
I just silently and obediently follow You.
I just remember that You are faithful.... 

Engkau berkata, bahwa barangsiapa percaya kepadaMu, 

Engkau layak untuk dipercaya, sekalipun saat ini aku tidak melihatnya demikian....

Dan Engkau mengerti apa yg terjadi, sekalipun tampaknya Engkau tidak mengerti. 

2 komentar:

  1. Hi, Nonik...
    Is your life hard? :)

    I'm glad to see your confession that you are disappointed with God. You have been honest.

    I'm praying for you. God is in control. He understands your situation. If you remain faithful and obey Him... If you really trust Him... You will see God's glory, even it is cost your heart and tears!

    Remember He already died on the cross not to make your life easier and your dream comes true but to give you eternal life! As Jesus died on His cross, this is what Abba Father wants from you: to die for sin and have abundant life in Christ Jesus!

    Be still and wait patiently for the Lord!


    1. Halo Novi :) ini Novi yang mana ya hehehe. kayaknya pembaca baru deh xixixi. Salam kenal ya :D

      Iya Nov, bener banget, saat ini aku merasa hidupku sangat berat. Yah intinya sih karena lagi kecewa berat sama ortu. Aku sudah tahu semua kebenaranNya. aku hanya merasa susah saat aku menghadapinya scr langsung, REAL, LIVE. Aku merasa susah saat harus praktik lgs, terutama utk mengampuni. Butuh usaha yg tidak sedikit en tidak mudah, juga tumpahan air mata, jeritan en teriakan yg memberontak.

      Thank you so much for praying for me, it means THE WORLD to me T_____T knowing that there is someone out there who is willing to pray for me itu benar2 luar biasa indah....

      once again, thanks yaaa :) HUGS HUGS, Nonik.


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