In a week, I have received three bad news. And all of them are obituaries. My three friends are losing their dads.First of all, a friend of mine from the church lost her dad because of heart attack. I really cannot imagine if the same thing happens to me. I would surely gone devastated.
About three days later, which was yesterday night, I got a news that Monich's father also passed away because of a lung's problem. Monich is a close friend of mine (not close in the meaning of "sahabat", but we are close!) who was in the same group with me in Prakdip. I will surely be totally ruined and wrecked and devastated if i were her. I could not imagine even for once that I lose my father, since I am always his princess and daddy's little girl (tough i have to admit that recently I often got impatient with him). By the time I heard the news, I was just come home after attending a woman-business seminar in Hotel Hilton, Bandung. The seminar was totally great, but after that I got really tired and I haven't searched any place to stay in for my family when they'll come to my graduation's day. I was frustrated with myself for not seeking a hotel/inn earlier, how could i was so stupid and wasting my time? Tough I used the previous weeks to do interviews and developing my own business. No wonder that all places are already fully booked, and that was the time I got fussy (even tough finally I've booked a room for my family). That was the time when I heard the news about Monich's dad. Last night, again I was so distressed to not be able to come to Monich's house to send my condolence, while the other friends are going to her house today. I keep struggling with this feeling, I feel a mixed emotions. I grieve for Monich and for the other friend.
And this afternoon, about 30 minutes before I started to post this note, again i hear another obituary about my friend whose dad passed away.
Before that.... I did not know what to do. I've uttered unspeakable words and prayer to God, but it seems like it never enough. I opened my laptop, went online, and here a very wonderful blog about mother whose baby son also passed away a month ago because of rare skin disease called Epidermolysis Bullosa (EB). I was directed to go to her blog HERE and so touched, and after saw some videos of it, tears came running down my eyes and cheek. And then, here came the news about that third obituary.
"God!!" I said in my heart. "I can't stand it." I feel so numb. The questions about God-why-do-You-let-this-happen become rushing back in my mind. I can never fully understand why my friends have to have this. I can never fully understand, like Courtney, Tipp's mother, why her baby son had to has that skin-rare disease of which name is so hard to pronounciate. I do know, and I already know, that God is in control. He is the One who gives life and can take it back everytime. It is so naive to questioning God why does He take someone that we love, even tough we already known the fact that He is the Almighty. We also know that through Courtney's blog about Tripp's story, many people are so touched and they are drawn closer to God, and begin to cherish more every single moment in their life. (I really suggest you to read her blog!! It's very very high recommended and your heart will be melt.)
It's true that I (and maybe you as well) have those kinds of questions. And there are a lot of questions going unanswered. But one thing that we know for sure, is that God is here with us, and never at once leave nor forsake us.
Those 3 obituaries, and reading Courtney's blog, once again remind me to being thankful and grateful for everything that i have. That I still have my parents, and I should spend more time with them, making more contacts with them, and not mumble or fussy around about little things which i disagree with my mom and dad (because I often got mad or upset with them. I feel that they don't understand me much). I don't have any more words to say.... because I don't know how to say it. But my empathy and condolence are with them.