About Me

Foto saya
A beautiful girl in His eyes. A girl with a BIG dream, BIG vision, with BIG passions for her town. Interested in a lot of things. Talkative and longing to travel in many new places. Is thinking hard what she can do to her country.

Kamis, 08 September 2011

Learning to Surrender

Gue lagi belajar bahwa belajar untuk berserah pada Tuhan, dan meletakkan impian-impian kita di bawah kaki-Nya itu sulit sekali. Dan gue lagi merasakan seperti ini. Begitu banyak ambisi, begitu banyak rencana, cita-cita, keinginan dan obsesi, dan yang bikin gue makin kacau adalah itu terjadi di saat gue hendak lulus dari bangku kuliah dan tidak tahu harus melangkah kemana. 

Dear Lord,
You know that I am wondering so much
I am so afraid, so frightened
It seems like everyday I am always in constant fear and worry
I don't know what to do
I don't know which path should I take
I can't see Your plan in me
And at the same I feel it's so damn hard to believe
to trust You
to trust Your promises
Many times I want to shout at You
Point my finger at You
and claiming and asking, "Where are You? where are Your promises?!"
You said that Your future plan on me is a beautiful one
More than human can imagine or thoughts
But I don't see it now
And I keep asking myself, how long should I wait? 
It seems like You're doing nothing!!

I have so many plans
so many options for my future career
I have uncountable dreams and obsessions to achieve
But in the middle of those
I feel no peace, neither security
I am not even sure that all my plans will please You....

I have tried many times to run away from You
To seek my way with my own strength
my own knowledge
my own friends, relatives, and connections
my own wealth
my own power

But in the end.... 
I always see that those are in vain
I stumble and fall many many times
And that's the point where I began to realize one thing

I can not live outside You

I used to not understand when people say, "I can not live without God"
But now i know....
Because You are everything in my life
You alone can satisfy me
You alone can fulfill me
I can not live outside of Your plans

Now You ask me, to surrender all the plans
all the dreams
all of my ambitions
all of I want
under Your feet
into Your hands
and it's so damn hard, oh Lord!!
It feels so hard to let them go
I don't even trust You enough, and not for once or twice,
I doubted You

But I know that You are the Lord
Who knows better than me

Teach me oh Lord,
to surrender
to surrender
to surrender....

Amen.
 
***
 
Guys, dimana dunia mengajarkan kita untuk mengejar impian dan meraih cita-cita kita, Tuhan mengajarkan kita untuk duduk diam dan menyerahkan semua ambisi itu ke dalam tanganNya. Bukan berarti mengejar cita-cita itu tidak boleh atau tidak baik. Namun ada kalanya itu semua membuat kita tenggelam dalam cita-cita tersebut, dan bukan Kerajaan Allah-lah yang kita wujudkan melainkan kerajaan-ku. Saat kita terobsesi untuk mengejar apa yg kita mau, kita berfokus pada diri kita sendiri. We are promoting ourselves, we try so that others will see us. We are no longer shining or promoting the Christ who lives inside us.
 
Ya, semua orang yang menantikan Engkau tidak akan mendapat malu, yang mendapat malu ialah mereka yang berbuat khianat dengan tidak ada alasannya.
Mazmur 25:3

3 komentar:

  1. jadi ingat lagu Aku Berserah-nya Kidung Jemaat
    *singing*
    Aku berserah, aku berserah
    Pada Yesus Juruselamat, aku berserah ^^
    Sering gak mau berserah coz aku sok tau, ngerasa kehendakku, impian dan rancanganku tu baik. Padahal rancangan TUHAN yang terbaik ^^'

    BalasHapus
  2. Fokus ke Tuhan, taat & setia kepadaNya.. Dia pasti kan jawab kegelisahan hatimu :) Semangat yah sa..^^

    BalasHapus
  3. @Ci Fajar: makasih ciii. ini bener2 lagi diajar, rasanya kaya di padang gurun haha. Seolah-olah kok ga ada jawaban, ga ada suara. Thanks for your support!! Gimana kabar baby-nya? :)

    @Mbak Mega: iyah itu lagunya bagus yaa...kita tuh sering banget, tanpa disadari menempatkan Tuhan yg tidak terbatas pada pikiran kita yang terbatas.

    BalasHapus

hey guys, please leave your mark print here! it give me a boost to keep writing you know! ^^